Beyond Ourselves: Deanna Jackson
Right from the start I felt on board with the campaign. I felt God had been leading Blanchard to the Warrenville site and supporting the funding was just part of the plan.
John and I have been in agreement throughout our marriage that we wanted God to be Lord of all areas of our life including our resources. So I had no hesitation in praying that God would show us our part. I felt we were already committed to a life-style of giving “over and above” and I didn’t expect God would direct us to any significant additional giving. It felt natural and safe to seek Him for this direction
God did direct us to make some significant changes in our giving but for me this campaign has been much less about what we are giving and much more about the journey of my heart. When I started praying all sorts of things started popping up that could have diverted my heart from listening. I’m going to just mention a couple of the unexpected struggles I found myself facing.
First, I found myself feeling resentful. What kept coming to my mind was my perception of what others would still have left after they had done their giving as compared to what we were already doing without. God broke through and reminded me that I don’t have to look at how He is dealing with someone else. It’s not my place to compare, all I have to do is listen to and obey what He is saying to me.
Second, I found myself thinking about what I didn’t like about the campaign. Again God had to remind me “don’t get side-tracked, this is not about the “campaign” this is about what I want to say to you.”
Third, I was confronted with my ungrateful heart. Focusing on what God hasn’t yet given to us instead of all He has given to us. I purposed to focus on God’s provision. His abundant provision. I began a list of ways God has blessed us WAY “over and above” our needs.
The bottom line is that God has been actively “forming” my heart and preparing me for what He was going to say about the campaign. As I went to our budget I still saw items for which there was no line in our budget. But my hearts cry was, “God show me a way to give, because I want to be a part of what you are doing.”Then I went into a period of waiting…and waiting…the leadership home meetings, where we were to share how God was leading us, came and went and we were still waiting to hear how to give.
Then God spoke to John. When John shared what God was saying to him I was really excited and it resonated with me. It was God’s answer to our waiting and praying.